Aug 11, 2021 23:01
2 yrs ago
50 viewers *
French term

une verrière de la toiture avait éclaboussé de lumière

French to English Art/Literary General / Conversation / Greetings / Letters From An Art History Book
Contexte:

Si j’expliquais la nécessité de ma présence par les soins que je devais apporter à ce qui restait au musée de ses anciennes collections, ce fut en réalité aux avantages que je présentais pour les occupants, que je dus de pouvoir rester. Comme j’avais vis-à-vis d’eux la res- ponsabilité des gardiens chargés du chauffage, du nettoyage et des manutentions, il était pratique et plus hiérarchique de m’adresser les reproches collectifs ou même personnels les concernant.
J’étais pour les Allemands une articulation de leur discipline.
J’eus à ce titre à faire face à des accusations de sabotage, de vol et même de signaux faits à l’ennemi. Une verrière de la toiture du
Jeu de Paume avait éclaboussé de lumière, pendant toute une nuit, le « black-out » de la place de la Concorde, sans qu’il fût possible de la faire rentrer dans l’ombre, le mécanisme se trouvant détraqué. Coïncidence fâcheuse, le Reichsmarschall était venu ce jour-là, ce qui nous valut le lendemain une matinée passée avec la Feldpolizei.

Merci Beaucoup,

Barbara

Discussion

Nikki Scott-Despaigne Aug 13, 2021:
On meaning and choice of term for "éclabousser" For all this term means "spray", "splatter" etc. these actual terms in English would seem odd in reference to light. Sometimes such terms could work. I suggest that they do not work here. However, they do convey the image well. It might be more appropriate to think in terms of "scatter" rather than "splatter". (It is clear that the light is not a beam (faisceau) which is limited in terms of the space it will occupy, which is not the case here. I'd rule that one out). SafeTex has come up with what I believe is a good suggestion. The use of the passive voice is an authentically English means to respect the construction of the French source. In addition, the suggestion includes two well-found terms, in my opinion. "To scupper" is used in military and naval contexts; "to flood" retains a theme of water and is not only a common term with light but one that conveys the image with spot-on accuracy, in my opinion.
On the
Nikki Scott-Despaigne Aug 13, 2021:
My reading I see that you, Barbara, are taking another look at the reading of this part of the extract. I would like to add my voice in agreement with the remarks made by polyglot and Michèle above.
Gabrielle Leyden Aug 12, 2021:
splash Definitely tweak the suggestion, especially when it comes to word order: a splash of light came from the skylight..., etc. Something poetic to describe the fact that the faulty mechanism let light through and violated the black-out.
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Aug 12, 2021:
Like I said, I will tweak that suggestion. Have a good evening.
Emmanuella Aug 12, 2021:
Can the skylight make a splash ?
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Aug 12, 2021:
OK Thanks for your input, Michele and Emmanuella. In this case, then, I think that Gabrielle's interpretation, before seeing any more answers, fills the bill best, at this point, as long as I tweak it a bit.
Emmanuella Aug 12, 2021:
I agree
Michele Fauble Aug 12, 2021:
"cast a narrow beam/stream of light" loses the imagery of “éclabousser”.
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Aug 12, 2021:
Narrow Stream Of Light Does anyone think that "cast a narrow beam/stream of light" would be OK? Perhaps, "beam", standing alone, would be better, to avoid redundancy. Thanks
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Aug 12, 2021:
No.
polyglot45 Aug 12, 2021:
is this about Rose Valland ?
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Aug 12, 2021:
OK. Will have to look at the paragraph more closely. It was the end of another long day of translating! Thanks.
polyglot45 Aug 12, 2021:
you seemed to have parsed the sentence wrongly Une verrière de toiture avait éclaboussé de lumière le "black-out".....(all through the night)
The rest of the sentence explains that the mechanism to shut the blind that would have shut out the light was defective, which is why the skylight lit up the sky

Proposed translations

11 hrs
Selected

a skylight made a splash of light in...

"éclabousser" is really the idea of splashing; you might also consider the verb "splashed the square with light" but "splash of light" is more restricted, given that it is just a skylight, which couldn't possibly light up the whole square.
Peer comment(s):

neutral Libby Cohen : This is not typical English phrasing.
2 hrs
neutral ormiston : Echo Libby's reservations
1 day 1 hr
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
8 hrs

light had blazed from a skylight

Presumably the blackout screen mechanism got stuck and light pouring out of the skylight would have alerted enemy bombers.

Are you in the right category? Not sure what this has to do with energy/power generation!

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Note added at 8 hrs (2021-08-12 07:15:28 GMT)
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or turn it round: a skylight had blazed with light
Note from asker:
Thank you. I went ahead and changed the category.
Something went wrong...
17 hrs

a skylight had spattered (the blackout) with light

Nothing wrong with a literal translation here.
Something went wrong...
20 hrs

a splash of light from a skylight in the Jeu de Paume

I would turn it round as above.
Something went wrong...
+3
21 hrs

the blackout had been scuppered by (a flood of) light coming from a skylight

Hello

I'm not a native French speaker and it's hard for us to know if the French sounds "intelligible and witty" or just badly written.

I say that as some of the suggestions just sound so strange, even if that is of course due to the fact that they are translating this unique French sentence.

One way to approach this is therefore to ask yourself what a "witty" English writer would have said to give the same image in the minds of English readers, while trying to stay as close as possible to the initial French sentence.

Peer comment(s):

agree Jennifer White : much the best answer IMO.
12 hrs
Thanks Jennifer. It's nice to have an agree on such a "controversial" phrase
agree Nikki Scott-Despaigne : In keeping with the grammatical structure of the source with the use of the passive voice. Nice choice of "to scupper" considering the theme. A "flood" is better and sticks to the theme (H20) also. A well-constructed suggestion respecting the soruce.
13 hrs
Thanks Nikki. It's nice to have an agree on such a "controversial" phrase [Click here to delete your reply]
agree Emmanuella : C'est bien là le sens subtil de l'auteur. Le texte original est imagé !
16 hrs
Thanks Emmanualla
Something went wrong...
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